if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
