I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
