..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
