Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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