I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
