If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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