We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
