"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
