Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
