I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
