there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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