New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
