i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
