honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
