Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
