Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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