So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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