You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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