Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
