I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
