I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
