is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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