I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
