I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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