your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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