I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
