I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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