now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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