Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
