I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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