The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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