we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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