wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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