I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
