I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
cat food counts as protein by the way
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
is it fun? or sober?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
