TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
