I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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