this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
