I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
