I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
