nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
