The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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