DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
