the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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