DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
