I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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