he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
