I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
