she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
