u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
