Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
