How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
