i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
May the power of my ass compel you!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
