Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
