Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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